Men Don"t Get To Break

Every man goes through it. The weight of responsibility, the pressure of providing, the silent battles nobody sees. In this raw and unfiltered episode, Damian Lewis of Call Me First gets real about what it means to carry the weight of manhood, and why sometimes you have to go through it alone.

Damian opens up about the mental battles men face when they're responsible for a wife, children, and a family's future, and why showing emotion as a man feels almost impossible. He breaks down why pain demands to be felt, how long you're allowed to stay in it, and what pulls you out on the other side.

If you've ever felt like you were fighting for your life inside your own head, this episode is for you.

In this episode:

• Why responsible men carry weight nobody else can see
• The difference between needing help and needing to go through it yourself
• How to stay composed for your family even when you're breaking inside
• Finding a purpose bigger than yourself to pull you through
• Why self-awareness is the real sign of a strong man

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English: https://a.co/d/0i1B3mxM 

Spanish: https://a.co/d/0abY5IjN

Transcript

 It's probably been about almost-- No, it's probably been almost like a year since I recorded a podcast episode for "Call Me First." And, um, it has been a journey for this past year. So many, so many things have, um, have happened. So many things have, have changed. Life has dramatically, dramatically, uh, elevated itself, itself for the, for, for the, for the best, right? And, um, I-- The reason I even picked up this microphone today and turned this camera on today is because, um, a lot of times as men, we go through some stuff. Like we go through some stuff, and some of us are the protectors, the providers and everything of the house, and it is hard for us to show any emotion when we're going through a particular, uh, phase or a particular problem, whatever the situation is. Um, at this moment right now, I'm not coming on here to, uh, to, to vent or anything like that, but I just realized something. As men, we have to realize that we have very little time. We have very little time to go through something. And when I say we have very little time to go through something, you, you get an opportunity to go through whatever it is that you're gonna go through, whatever you may be struggling with at the time, whatever, uh, how defeated you may feel at a certain moment in time, but you only have a small window to go through that. And the reason I'm saying that is, it's people watching you, people that you may be responsible for, your wife and your children and things like that. And when you g-get this moment where you're getting ready to go through or you're going through whatever it is, you take your time and you, you, you, you feel the pain or whatever it is. I, I heard this saying a couple years ago that, uh, that pain, pain demands to be felt, right? And I know people are like, "What, what is it that you're going through, Dame? What is it?" Uh, you know what I'm going through? Man stuff. I'm going through man stuff. I'm going through worried about where the bill-- how the bills getting paid. I'm going through-- I'm, I'm worried about like what, where the next dollar's coming from. I'm worried about what's going on with my children, with my wife, everything going all right with their mental and things like that, and just man stuff. It's nothing crazy. It-- I'm not saying-- It's, it's stuff we go through. Every man that's a responsible, competent man is gonna go through stuff. When you're responsible, some-- And the thing about it is, I'm 41 and I'm getting gray hairs like crazy, and this is because I actually care about the people that are around, that are around me. I actually care about what my responsibilities are. I actually put effort into it. I actually worry wh- when things don't go wrong. And I'm sitting here and I'm worried about the future things that haven't even showed up yet, and I'm stressing myself out over it. The thing about it is I'm thinking where is, uh, cash flow for later on in life and, and setting things up in place to make sure my family's taken care of and that all that stuff. And don't get me wrong, we don't know what tomorrow holds, but at the same token though, I'm worried about stuff that I don't even need to worry about right now. Financially, I'm fine. But I still know tomorrow comes, right? And tomorrow doesn't mean literally mean tomorrow. But you, you, a- as a man, if you're, if you're a real man, you understand what I'm saying. Tomorrow is gonna come, and my thing is let me put things into place right now so when tomorrow comes, these people will be fine. It's like I'm not even worried about me as a man, as a protector, provider. I'm not worried about me. I'm worried about the people that I, that I'm responsible for. Any real man will understand where I'm coming from. I'm not worried about me. I'm fine. I'll be fine. But there are four other people that I'm responsible for, and sometimes that weight gets heavy, and we don't get a lot of time to actually show and express that we are carrying heavy weight. And I was carrying that weight today, and even my wife looked over as she was at her desk back here and, um, and I'm sitting at my desk and I'm, m- m- based on, um, how I normally react and how I normally move, she can tell that something's wrong with me. And then she kept-- she asked a couple times and I said, "Nothing." But the truth is, I was literally in my head fighting for my life. And I don't mean that in the, in the, in the, uh, the literal term. But you understand what I'm saying. When I say I'm in my head fighting for my life, I'm plotting, I'm, I'm, I'm putting things together, I'm putting plays together, and I'm looking at this computer screen and the plays I'm putting together ain't working. They ain't working. And I got so many wins over the last couple months. I'm beyond grateful for it, and I almost feel like I'm being ungrateful sitting here complaining about some things that ain't even happened yet. But as a man, somebody that's actually-- you actually care about what's going on with people, you worry about these type of things. And maybe it's just me, and I'm sitting here like, "Yo, I really have- Nobody to, to put this on, to go through it with me. And when I say this, I got about four, five people I could call right now that'll have a conversation with me and have a whole bunch of an enlightening things to say, encouraging things to say that has my back and knows me, and then will sit here and listen to me vent and listen to me talk. But it's not one of those situations where I say-- when I say I have nobody, there is nobody that can help me go through that, right? I have people that I can call, but it's not for them to go-- It's something as a man you have to go through and you gotta fight through yourself. You gotta make the plan. You gotta see things go through. You gotta, you know, you gotta do it. You gotta go through the time when you feeling down and, and, and, um, not feeling yourself 100%. It's phases. Pain demands to be felt. It's phases of life that we have to go through, and as much help as we may have on the outside, you gotta go through that shit by yourself sometimes. And what I realize is going through it by yourself sometimes, it builds character. And I know it's one of the most unpopular things to say, like, when you're going through something, go through it by yourself. But as a man, sometimes you do have to go through it by yourself. It's a part of character building. You go through it by yourself and you f- and you, and that's what you do. When you make it through on the other side of whatever pain or fight, whatever it is that you're going through, you take note of how you got through it. Take note of how you got through it. Was it me thinking about the future of my children, watching my children, like my daughter get married, watching my sons get, um, trophies, uh, for sports or whatever, academics, whatever it is, and that enlightens you, right? Seeing your future self where you got your feet kicked up or whatever, you got your lemonade on the side, you, you and your wife sitting on the beach drinking, drinking your lemonade, your feet kicked up, your kids are grown, have their own families and things like that. These are things that I think about when I'm going through my man stuff, right? And these are the things that get me through the other side, because I wanna be around to see all this actually take place. I wanna be around to see all this stuff actually happen. So, and then what it does, it gives me motivation to keep pushing and get my ass back up and, and g- and, and get back to work. And I know a lot of people may not have that type of drive or motivation or something like, something like that for yourself, but this is what I want you to do. Think of a purpose bigger than you. Think of a purpose that's bigger than you that you'll be willing to give it all for, right? And what I'm willing to give it all for is my wife and my children. Yo, listen, shit ain't always perfect. It ain't always peachy and creamy in any life situation or any relationship, any family. It's never always peachy and creamy But as a man, you gonna go through what you gonna go through, and then you go through that shit and you get up. Get up. Get up. Get back to work. Get back to work. And when I say get back to work, don't, don't mean literally going back to your job, whatever situation. But if you got-- that's what you do, you do. But when I say get back to work, I mean get back to work what the, what the overall plan is at the end of the day. Get back to working on what that is. Get back to working on what your purpose is. I'm 41 years old. There's plenty of life left in front of me, but I know right now my entire job is to prepare my children for their future, to give them the tools that they need to make proper decisions for their lives, right? My job right now is to give my wife the best life that she can ever have, and I'm doing that right now. But for whatever reason, I feel like I'm not doing enough. I don't know how many other men could relate to that, but I just feel like I'm not doing enough, and I've done so much. I feel ungrateful that I had so many opportunities and I accomplished so much that I feel like I'm being ungrateful by wanting more. Y'all get what I'm saying? Like, I feel like I'm ungrateful because I want more than I already got. I've been blessed, man. I've been blessed. I've been blessed beyond my understanding. But I still feel like I need to produce more for the people that I'm responsible for. And this is what I was going through today, where I felt like I was over here getting my ass whooped by my own self and my own head. Listen, I was going through that, right? And then I did what I just told you. I started thinking about what my purpose is. A purpose-- Not even say what my purpose is, what, what purpose is bigger than me? And I started just looking at all the good things that I've accomplished over the years, all the y- uh, all the good times that I had, and my purpose of wa-watching, like I said earlier, watching my children become the adults that I know they can be. Responsible, productive, competent, valuable adults. And that right there got me up out of my little slum that I was in, right? And my wife, before she left out of here today, she went to the, um... I think she just went to, uh, the grocery store. She stopped and asked me again, and I'm sitting here like, "I can't even tell you what I'm going through right now," because yeah, she's gonna go into Let me try to help you mode. And let me try to help you mode ain't something I need right now. And believe me, if it's a lady listening to this right now, sometimes your man, it, it's not a, "I need you to help me right now" mode. I need to go through what I gotta go through. Give me a couple minutes, let me go through this. And the thing about it too is, I'm gonna tell men this right here, right now. When you going through whatever it is, you gonna go through some shit sometime, bro. I'm telling you right now, real talk, you gonna go through some shit inside your head. But you remember, when you going through this, the people that are here don't know what's going on inside your head if you don't open your mouth up and speak. All right, cool. Maybe you don't wanna talk about it. I'm like that too. But the same token, though, as a man, man to man, I'm gonna tell you, don't take it out on them. You wanna flip a table over or throw a cellphone or whatever it is that incompetent men do nowadays. Don't take it out on the people that are around you. My wife, like I said, bro, I'm going through hell over here in my head, though. And she's asking, and I'm responding as nice as I could because I'm so self-aware that I'm going through what I'm going through, and I'm fighting inside of me. But she don't know none of that. And when she asks you, I'm like, "Nah, I'm good, babe. I'm fine." "You want something to drink?" "Yes, thank you." I realized that in that moment, it-- even when I'm going-- the fact that I'm going through something, the people around you don't deserve any backlash from you or any, um, anger or whatever it is from you because you're going through something. And being self-aware or emotionally intelligent, as people call it, is a part of that. Take your time with what you're going through. Yes, go through your pain, go through your thoughts, whatever it is. You can't stay there for long. And even though my wife asked what was going on, I could tell her, and like I said, she wanted-- she would've jumped into I'ma help you mode or, you know, do what she does. My wife like to, likes to pray, right? So that's what would've happened. It was one of them-- it's-- this is one of them situations that I have to go through on my own. I have to go fight on my own. I, I needed the-- I need that character building. I need those couple minutes. I need that half hour, that hour. Let me go through that. It's like maintenance that we gotta go through every couple months or so for men. It's maintenance. We gotta re- we gotta re- re- rethink some things. We gotta revisit. We gotta go change the oil Or whatever. Go get a d-- we gotta check in with ourselves, get our, give ourselves g- some type of diagnosis. And most people are like, "Well, you might need to go to therapy." Listen, a therapist ain't, couldn't help me with what I was w- with that part. A therapist may not be able to help men with that part. It's not like I'm staying there. It's a half hour. Can I get a half hour? Can I get a hour? I'll be back, and I'm gonna get right back to work. Because this is what men do. We get right back to work. Go through what we gotta go through, and we get right back to work. We get back to producing. We get back to building. We get back to giving. This is what we do. And I'm glad for the job that I have. Grateful for it. I'm glad for the family that I have. I'll fight to the death for you guys. I'm grateful for y'all. I just wanna tell any man that may be listening to this podcast or may be going through whatever it is they're going through, go through it, go in the car, go in the basement, go to the gym, get it off your chest, and come back and produce, build, and give. This is what we do. This is manhood. Thank y'all for listening. That is it for me on this episode of "Call Me First." It's been like a y- I'm gonna try to get back into it, um, weekly or biweekly, but it's been like a year since I recorded an episode, and this is where-- There's so much that has happened I wanna come back and tell y'all. But I just want y'all to, um, stick with me, and I'm, I'm gonna deliver some more for y'all. Just one of the moments that I, that I, I just had to get it off my chest. And, um, none of this was prepared. Like, I don't even have a full light setup or anything, but thank y'all for listening. Next time.