11. How To Be A Better Father To Your Children

In this powerful episode of the Call Me First Podcast, we dive deep into the crucial role fathers play in the lives of their children. The absence of a present and active father can have lasting negative effects on a child’s development—emotionally, mentally, and physically. Did you know that children growing up without involved fathers are more likely to face challenges in school, struggle with behavioral issues, and experience higher rates of depression?

Statistics show that children without fathers are 4 times more likely to live in poverty, 7 times more likely to become pregnant as teenagers, and 2 times more likely to drop out of school. These staggering numbers reveal the importance of a father’s role in shaping the future of his children.

In this episode, we’ll explore:

• The long-term impact of fatherlessness on a child’s emotional and psychological well-being.
• How active fatherhood can break generational cycles and create a healthier environment for your kids.
• Key insights and practical tips for becoming a more involved, supportive, and loving father.

Whether you’re a new dad or looking for ways to improve your relationship with your children, this episode is packed with valuable advice that will help you step up as a leader in your home. Don’t miss out on this crucial conversation!

Listen now and learn how to become the father your children deserve.

Transcript

 What if your child grows up feeling like they had to raise themselves while you were right there in the house? You didn't leave, you weren't abusive, you didn't run from your responsibilities, but somehow you still weren't leading. You watched all your practices, but you never spoke life or purpose into them.

You showed up for dinner, but you never stared the conversation. You provided a roof, but you didn't bring the warmth, and now they're growing up learning to trust Google, YouTube, and TikTok. Before they trust you, not because you're a bad father, I'm not saying you're a bad father at all, but because somewhere along the way you chose to support your children and your family from the sideline instead of stepping up and leading.

But here's the truth. A father silence speaks louder than he thinks. And leadership that isn't active feels like abandonment to the ones who need it the most. You weren't meant to be a background character in your own home. You were built to be the blueprint, the standard, the first call for your family.

For those of you who this is your first time here, welcome to Call Me First. I'm your host Damien Lewis, and today we're unpacking while fatherhood is not a spectator sport and how to show up in a way that your family would never forget. Hey, family. It's your guy, Damien, and this is Call Me First, the podcast.

Where leadership starts at home. First, I want to thank you for tuning into today's episode. If you're struggling with communication, respect, or a family disconnect, this podcast gives you real life solutions you can apply right away. Every episode tackles tough leadership challenges with practical, no nonsense strategies to help you lead with confidence and earn the trust of those who rely on you.

Now, let's get into today's episode. Most of these stats that I am going to share today are from fatherless homes, and I know most of you think that these stats don't apply to you because your presence in the home. But if you're sitting back and not stepping up as a leader in your home, you might as well say that the home is a fatherless home.

You may be present, but are you hands on? Are you active? Are you involved? Have you earned the right to be their first call? Before you answer that, let's check out some of these stats whether you agree or not. Our children are the ones who feel the absence of a strong male leadership most deeply, whether it's through the lack of involvement or just emotional distance.

Here are some of the statistics that show very real consequences when fathers are missing. Children from fatherless homes are twice as likely to drop out of school compared those with active fathers. That's from the US Department of Education. Let me pause there for a second. I've seen it firsthand, not just in statistics, but, but in the lives of friends and other associates.

Without a strong father figure, the motivation, the drive to succeed, especially in school, just isn't the same. Kids need to know that someone is in their corner. Someone is there to push them to do their best, but when they don't have that, the ease of quitting becomes much stronger. Now, 71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes or homes with an inactive father.

That's from the National Center of Education and Statistics. The truth here is kids, they need direction. They need boundaries. They need us as men to show up and be present, not just financially, but emotionally, mentally. If we're absent, we are putting them at risk of falling into the very place that shapes their future.

63% of youth self ings comes from father absent homes. Children raised in homes without a father are 4.6 times more likely to do self ings. Think about that. Really, really think about that, and that's from the Journal of Family Psychology. I really want that to sink in. These aren't just numbers. I. These are lives.

Lives that are affected because someone was absent. Someone didn't step in and take the role that they were meant to take. As men, we have the power to help our kids avoid the pain that leads them to the dark places, but it requires us to be strong, to lead and to be present. Our absence leaves holes, deep holes.

85% of children with behavioral disorders comes from fatherless homes or homes with inactive fathers. That's from the National Center of Health. What happens when you are not there to be the anchor? The one who sets the tone, kids lash out, they act out. They need that leadership, that discipline, that structure, and when you're not present, they end up lost in their emotions.

Sometimes acting out in ways that are damaging to themselves and to those around them. I 100% believe that having structure in a home is a necessary tool for the development of your kids. I preach that so much in my house is rules that need to be followed. It's standards that we ought to keep is boundaries that will not be crossed, and I stand firm on it.

I don't care. What anybody says about it, I don't care how anybody feels about it. I am fear. I am respectful to the children, but we have boundaries that you're not gonna cross. We have rules that you're gonna follow, and I am going to stick to that. When you become an adult, you're gonna leave outta here with all the tools that you need to survive, to be disciplined outside, to have obedience for what you need to have obedience for, right?

Father involvement. And schools is linked to a higher GPA better test scores and lower rates of grade repetition. That information is from the National Fatherhood Initiative. We all know the importance of education, right? It's one of the keys to success in life, but when fathers are involved, it's not just about helping with homework, it's about showing up, setting expectations, and saying, I believe in you.

That's where the magic happens. That's where you find the light in your kids. That's where you find that open space of, of love that your kids need. When you look at 'em and you give them that type of motivation, you give 'em that type of love. This is what they need, this is what they need most. Most men don't want to tell their kids that love 'em, or you don't wanna show emotion to your kids and things like that.

And now don't, don't get me wrong, a lot of us came from places and lives that we didn't really get emotions showed to us. But this is a part of what called me first, is we have to break certain generational patterns, certain generational cycles that didn't affect us in a positive way when we were growing up.

So I believe in showing emotion and love to your children, whether it's a boy or girl. Show them love and emotion. Somebody has to do it, you know what I'm saying? Now let's talk about the bigger picture, crime and incarceration. This is a tough one because we're talking about lives lost and futures stolen.

Here's a painful truth. Children from fatherless homes are 20 times more likely to be incarcerated. That is from the Justice Behavior Journal. The absence of a strong male leadership means that there's no one to teach them the hard lessons in life. Don't get me wrong, moms can teach them, moms can teach them certain things, but the enforcement of what the consequences really are, I believe that mainly comes from the strong male figure in the home.

Right? So with kids, no one tells them what's right and what's wrong, and how to handle challenges with integrity like a man would instead, they may fall into the wrong crowd, end up in a system that is designed to trap them, right? 85% of all youths in prison come from fatherless homes with inactive, incompetent fathers.

This is from the Texas Department of Corrections. It is not just a coincidence. This is the reality that we are facing. I am passionate about this because I, I really, really believe that it's our job as men to mold the future of the youth. That the youth that, that are coming behind us, of our own children and children, that that's just out there.

We have the power to really form how the next generation will be, and I take that job seriously. The most serious, the most important job I believe that I have is. Take care of myself and taking care of my family. My kids are important. I do not play when it comes down to how I deal with my kids and the things that I wanna prepare them for.

Without a father figure, kids struggle to develop a sense of accountability, self-discipline, and respect for authority, all the things that would've helped them avoid the criminal justice system. Next I. Children without a father are more likely to be involved in violent crimes. That is from the U, the US Department of Justice.

You can all look, all, look all these facts up. These are real facts. The reason I even went into this was I sit around sometimes and I'm thinking of how to be better, how to make sure the generation coming behind us is better. And this wasn't the episode of Call Me First that I wanted to do today. I felt called to do this episode.

I felt like it was a necessary, uh, thing for me to do this episode, and I, and I wanted to share this information with the men or anybody that actually listens so you know what the stats are. And these stats aren't based by race. It's just a general accumulation of stats. It's not based by race at all.

Now, when we aren't there to teach. Respect to show the path of honor, kids are left to figure things out on their own, and too often they don't make the right choices. Fatherless boys are twice as likely to engage in gang related activities. That is from the National Gang Center. This breaks my heart. Why?

Because as fathers we hold a key to keep our children away from these dangerous paths, and some of us want to sit back and allow them to raise themselves. We aren't getting involved as much as we should. We aren't doing as much as we should. I want us. To step up what I wanna do, I'm bringing awareness to what happens when we sit back, not exactly when we are totally, uh, um, absent.

I want us to be aware of what happens when we sit back, when we sit back and let these kids do what they want to do. When we sit back and let them raise themselves when we sit back and allow them to do whatever it is that comes to their minds. Don't forget, these are kids, some younger kids, some teenagers, they can't totally.

Take care of themselves. Yet they don't have the experiences that we have. They don't have the, the, the role. We, they never played the roles that we played. They never lived the lives that we lived. They haven't seen what we seen. So we are obligated to show them the way. We can't allow them to do what they want on their own.

We can't, we can't, we can't sit back and let it happen as much as they might wanna fight us for it. And I agree that when they get at a certain age, it's, it's really nothing you can do if they wanna choose a path. What I'm telling you is give them all the tools that they need to be a good, responsible adult when they get of age where the late teens or whatever it's, and they stay, want to act out and do whatever it's they wanted to do.

You tried your best. Your children chose another path. They're gonna do what they wanna do at the end of the day anyway. Do your job. Give them the tools however they turn out after that. That's not on you. That's not on you. If you did what you were supposed to do, do what you're supposed to do. Give them the tools that they need.

These are your children. You are responsible for them. I don't care how you feel. You as a father need to do the right thing for your kids, right? But our involvement means the difference between them joining gangs or stepping into leadership of their own lives. I've been through the struggles myself trying to make ends meet, but when a father is absent, it's much worse for the entire family.

Here's the stark truth about financial burden on a father's absence. Children and father, absent homes are four times more likely to live in poverty. That is from the United States Census Bureau. A mother may try to carry the weight or of both roles, but it's incredibly hard. Financial struggles increase opportunities, decrease, and the whole family feels it.

47% of single mother households live below the poverty line compared to just 10% of a two-parent household. That's from the National Center for Children in Poverty. When fathers aren't there, it's harder to create stability, and that instability leaves children with fewer opportunities and greater challenges.

Young adults raised without a father are 2.5 times more likely to be unemployed. That is from the Brookins institution. This one really connects to the ripple effect. When kids grow up without a father, they miss out on vital lessons, work ethic, responsibility, and how to build a career, and that leaves them struggling as adults.

Let's talk about substance abuse and mental health issues that many people are struggling with. Especially when they didn't have the leadership that they needed at home. Children from fatherless homes are twice as likely to suffer from depression and anxiety. Did you hear that? This is from the Journal of Marriage and Family.

Right? It's no surprise that kids need emotional security. They need someone to show them how to handle life's ups and downs. I just spoke about this. They need that type of structure. Without that, the emotional burden is often too heavy to carry alone. I. Fatherless teens are four times more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol.

That is from the National Institution of Drug Abuse. The numbers don't lie. I. When we are not there to guide them, to help them avoid destructive behavior, they run to unhealthy ways of coping with their emotions, whether it's drugs, alcohol, or other risky behaviors. 75% of adolescents and substance abuse.

Treatment centers come from fatherless or absent father homes. This is from the US Department of Justice. This should be a wake up call for all of us. We, as fathers need to show up. If we don't, our kids end up on the past that are much more harder to escape from. Let's talk about relationships for a minute, specifically teen pregnancy.

The cycles that get created when fathers are absent. 71% of teenage pregnancies come from homes where the father is absent. That is from the National Institute of Health. This is heartbreaking. Our daughters, they need us. They need to see what a healthy relationship looks like. Yo, listen, I am one to tell you this.

I make sure. That my children see me hug, show their mom love. See me and mom interact. We love on each other in front of 'em. This is something they need to see. They need to see what a healthy relationship looks like. What respect and love should be without a father present, they often end up in unhealthy relationships.

So as a father, we set the standard when we are not around, our daughters look for that guidance elsewhere. Often we end up facing the consequences that could have been avoided. Teen girls without a strong father figure are twice as likely to struggle with self-worth and unhealthy relationships. This is from the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry.

When we are not there, our daughters feel it. They question their value, they settle for less. They end up in relationships that do not serve them. Finally, let's talk about marriage and the long-term consequence of a father being absent. Children from fatherless or uninvolved, father homes are more likely to become divorced in adulthood.

These statistics speaks volumes about the cycle we create. Yes, we create the cycles, the things we do, shape the life, the form of how our kids develop. We do shape the cycles. We are what our kids turn into. We have to be vigilant, we have to be involved, and we gotta be hands on. If we don't lead our homes, we set the tone for the future generations.

They'll struggle to understand. What a healthy, loving marriage looks like. This statistic speaks volumes about the cycles we create. Yes, we do create the cycles. Yes, we do form how our kids develop. We are a direct part of how they develop as adults, how what they become. We do have a role in that. We are the part, the hands that shape 'em.

We are the hands that mold them. We gotta be more involved if we don't lead our homes. We set the tone for the future generations. They'll struggle to understand what a healthy loving marriage looks like. It is on us to give them the tools to be good adults, to be responsible adults. It is on us. We play such a vital role.

Don't let anybody tell you that your role is not important. The kids don't need you or listen, do your job, bro. Do your job. This is what you signed up for. This is what you signed up for when you wanted to be a dad and you wanted to be involved. This is what you signed up for. Do your job, bro. Do your job.

You are responsible for taking care of your kids and showing them the way. Because if you don't guess what somebody else will and you might not like what the lesson they show your kids. So you step up and you do what you're supposed to do. You be the man and you be the light that they need to look at the light that shines on your kids.

This is your job. Do it, bro. Listen, if this message resonated with you, if you know the impact of a missing father. If you are working every day to be a better husband, a better father, a better leader, then make sure you hit that like button and subscribe to the podcast. Drop a comment below. Let's talk about it.

What did you take away from this episode? Are you breaking generational cycles? What challenges are you facing as a man trying to lead your family? I read every comment because it just isn't about content for me. This is a movement to help men become better fathers, better husbands, better leaders in their homes.

If you've ever typed this in one of your search engines, whether it's Google, YouTube, whatever it is, right? If you've ever put, how do I lead my family as a man, why does a father's role matter? What happens when a dad isn't present? How can I rebuild my relationship with my kids? Um, why is marriage struggling?

Then this podcast is for you. So again, like, comment, and subscribe. Share this episode with another brother, another friend, a man who needs to hear this truth. We are building a generation of strong, wise, respected men, and you are a part of that. This is what I want you to do though, when you leave here today, I want you to be the man that your family believes you to be.

I want you to be the leader that they believe you to be. And I want you to look at your family, look 'em in the eyes and say whatever you guys are going through before anything hits the fan, call me first.

I.