9. Men Become Better With This One Change

In this episode of Call Me First, I’m revealing a hard truth—your ego is silently sabotaging your leadership at home. You may not see it, but your pride is costing you respect, trust, and influence with your family.

I share a raw, real-life story of how my own ego nearly got me killed on the highway—and how that same destructive force shows up in our marriages, fatherhood, and leadership roles.

Here’s what you’ll discover:

• 3 hidden ways ego weakens your leadership—making you defensive, blocking growth, and isolating you from your family
• The price of pride—how refusing to admit fault creates distance with your wife and kids
• How to lead with humility without looking weak—using vulnerability to build trust and influence
• Practical steps to crush ego and lead with strength—including how to own your mistakes, seek feedback, and become a leader your family respects

If you’re tired of butting heads with your wife, clashing with your kids, or feeling disconnected from your family, this episode will show you how to check your ego at the door and lead with humility—the kind that makes you stronger, not weaker.

Listen now and share this episode with a man who needs to hear it. Let’s grow into stronger fathers, husbands, and leaders—together.

Transcript

 My mission today is to trigger you. I'm calling you out. Ego is the reason your family doesn't trust your leadership. Yeah, I said it. Your pride is costing you influence and you don't even see it. And this episode of Call Me First, I'm exposing in three ways. Ego is silently wrecking your leadership. And showing you how to flip it with humility without even looking weak.

You'll learn why admitting you're wrong makes you stronger, and how to lead with vulnerability without losing respect, and why ego will keep you isolated if you let it. Here's the real question. Will you have humility to face, ego, head on, or will you. Keep letting ego run the show. Alright, what's going on fellas?

Welcome back to Call Me First, the attitude of men that are leaders. I'm your host, Damien Lewis, and today we're tackling something that every leader faces, whether they want to admit it or not. Let me ask you a question. When was the last time you admitted that you were wrong? I mean, really stood there and owned up to it.

And said, yeah, I got that wrong. And let me follow up with this. Do you see humility as a weakness or as one of the strongest tools in your leadership arsenal? If you've ever felt like admitting fault or showing vulnerability somehow makes you less than, than this episode is for you Today we are talking about humility.

What it really means and how we can embrace humility to become stronger leaders for our families. First things first, let's define the problem. Ego. That's a big issue for us as men, right? You know, I always have stories, and this one is a serious story. It's probably funny now, but this is a serious story.

So this was probably about two years ago. I'm working my job as a truck driver. I'm working the night shift. So my job is to go from north Jersey to South Jersey. I bring a full truck down to bring an empty truck back up. I do that twice for the night. This particular night, I'm coming back up off of the first trip, so I'm coming back with an empty truck.

Right now I am driving a box truck at this time, uh, 20 something foot box truck, and I am in the far right lane on the New Jersey Turnpike. I am slightly north of exit five. I'm not the at Exit six yet. As I'm riding in the right lane, I'm coming up on another 18 wheeler. 18 wheeler is actually in the middle lane.

I'm in the far right lane now. Remind you it is raining, but it's not a downpour. It's like when the rain first started, you know, that's the slippery AST time on any roadway, right? So I come up on this 18 wheeler. As I'm passing him, this guy drifts over into me, right? And he drifts over into my lane to the point that I had to go over on the shoulder to avoid contact with him.

When I did this, I hit the brakes a little bit, let the truck coast a little bit till I was able to merge back in onto the highway. At this time, I am angry. I am upset with this driver for doing that, so I catch back up to him and when I catch back up to him, our windows are next to each other. I'm still on his right side.

He moved back over into the middle lane, so. I'm on the right side and I'm looking over at this dude. I am yelling. I'm going off and I could see him. His light is on the inside of his cab or his truck. I can see him. So he was eating a sandwich. He had sauce all over his shirt and everything. And he's looking back at me doing this and I'm going off when I'm, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Of course. I'm yelling. He can't hear me. Right. So. He sees that I'm upset with him. He flips me off, right? So I flip him back off. So now I gas my truck up and I get in front of him and I cut him off and I'm sitting in front of him. I'm like, yeah, now I got this. I got you sucker. Right? So as I'm doing this, I'm at top speed.

My truck only goes about 70 miles an hour, right? I left him a little bit, but as I'm driving, I could see that this truck that was driving slower than me. And the initial contact is catching up to me, and this truck is rolling. I'm looking in my rear view mirror. He catches up to me. He's pulling up to me so fast that I'm like, this dude is about to run into the back of his truck, so my truck has a rear view camera.

You can see the picture of the back of the truck even when the truck is going forward. So I look up at the rear view camera. This dude is so close to my back bumper. That I can see his bumper in the rear view camera. This is how close he is to the back bumper of the truck. So I'm still pissed and I'm thinking, well, we just going to have to go outta here.

Right? So he goes now to go switch lanes to go around me. I switch lanes right in front of him. He switches back over. I switch back in front of him. So we are playing to this back and forth thinking. I'm like, yeah, I got him. You should never did what you did to me. Right? He backed off. This one time and I'm like, yeah, I got him.

He stopped. That wasn't what happened. I think he decided like, I'm going to run this dude off of this highway. He starts catching back up to me and he is rolling and it's to the point that something in my head said, Dee, get outta his way. And by the time he catches up to me, I switch lanes over. Now we are getting closer to the top of the hill on a New Jersey turnpike.

If you know the New Jersey turnpike, you know, you get to the top of this hill. The road actually splits from just being where cars and trucks actually ride together and it splits to where cars only could go to the left side and trucks have to stay to the right side. So they call it pretty much local and express.

We are about a mile and a half before this point. Right. So when he catches up to me, and I know he's gonna run me off the road, I switch lanes. So when I switched lanes, he merges his truck over to me again to run me off of the road. And he actually did, he ran me completely off the road. He ran me onto the shoulder and I'm like, oh man, he got me.

All right, cool. I am on the shoulder now. I look ahead of me. This dude pulls over to the shoulder. I'm like, what is going on here? So I get back onto the highway and I'm driving. I catch up to him and I'm on the side of him. Now, I'm looking over at him, he's going off, he's yelling, he's carrying on, and he's doing this back, back and forth, and I, I can't tell what he's saying, but he's yelling.

I'm yelling back at him to the point now. I'm on the left side of him and this dude is running me into the divider of the highway. I'm like, what is going on? Alright, bro, you're taking it a bit too far. Now we get to the top of the hill where the road is getting ready to split. So where trucks are not supposed to go to the left side.

And whenever there's construction, and let's say they do have to block the truck side off, they do allow the trucks to go to the left side and go onto the car side. So that's a common occurrence. But if there's no construction on, trucks aren't allowed on that left side of the highway, right? So we are probably a quarter of a mile from where that road splits at for you to get to Local Express.

And this dude now, he's in front of me. He won't let me pass him. Every time I get on the side of him, he's running me off of the highway for, or trying to push me into the divider. And I realized that I bit off more than I can chew. This dude is playing for real here, and at this point we get to the top of the hill and I'm thinking in my brain, like I still have another 45 minutes or so before I get to my exit.

Do I really wanna go back and forth with this dude for another 45 minutes because he's not stopping, right? Like I said, we are about a quarter of a mile away from this. So I pulled over again, I pulled over to the shoulder. This dude pulls over to the shoulder too, and I'm like, oh, no. No, this is going way beyond what it needs to be.

So I merged back into the highway and I'm going, I'm like, all right, let me see if I can put some traffic in between us or whatever. This dude's truck is so fast, he stopped me from even getting past him, right? So now we are at where the split goes, and I'm thinking like, all right, I can't do this another 45 minutes.

I gotta make a decision here. So I decided. I'm gonna take my chances since this dude won't stop, won't leave me alone. Let me go on the car side and we'll get separated. I'll take my chances on the car side. If I get the ticket, I'll just take it, whatever it is. I just don't wanna go back and forth with this dude.

And in all reality, I'm thinking like, this dude is only doing that because he's in the truck. From what I saw back when our initial contact was and when I can look inside and see him eating the sandwich. This dude couldn't beat me physically. Right. But he's in this truck and this is, he has a bigger tool than me right now, so I have to take the LI jumped over to the car side, I'm over to the car side now.

I'm like, all right, cool. It's over. The only thing I gotta worry about these is, is the New Jersey State Troopers now, and hopefully I'll make it up this highway without worrying about, without run into the state troopers I thought. Me jumping over to the car side would stop this assault I was getting from this dude.

Right? He's on the truck side, but we can still see each other. And I'm like, all right, cool. He's on the truck side. What can he do to me now? I'm good. I'm just gonna roll and whatever happens, happens, I'm thinking it's over. It wasn't over. I'm driving and all of a sudden I see the cab of my truck light up like a helicopter.

Spotlight was shining in. When you watching TV and you see the car chase and it's a helicopter, follow him. How big that spotlight is, how bright that spotlight is. The inside of my cab lights up like that. I'm like, what is that? I look over to this dude. He had to have the brightest flashlight I ever seen in my life.

And he is shining this flashlight into the cab of my truck, and I'm like, there's no way that this dude is taking this, this far. The flashlight is so bright, I can't really look, if I look over it, I'm getting blinded by the flashlight. I never seen a flashlight this bright before my life, right? So I'm rolling.

I'm like, no, this guy. So I stopped. I pulled over to the shoulder. I stopped. He stopped. He is on the shoulder on the New Jersey Turnpike. Across all these lane of the highway still shining this flashlight in my face. I'm like, what? It's so going on. And so I said, you know what? If that's all he is gonna do for the rest of the, how long could he really do that for?

Remind you. Now, I told you we had about 45 minutes of drive and left. This dude shined that flashlight in my face for 45 minutes. We get to where my exit is coming up now, and I'm like, the way this thing is going, this dude, if he sees what exit I get off of, he's gonna get off of this exit too. So what I did was I was just over it.

I waited till the last second to get off of the exit. He wound up missing the exit. And I got to my destination. I got out the truck and I'm like, what was that? And I'm thinking to myself, that could have went really bad, bro. This guy had a mission. I, he wasn't having a good day. If he got ahold of me, he probably would've tried his best, but it wouldn't have worked.

But the point I'm trying, I'm looking at here is my ego, if I could admit it. Pretty much almost took me away from my family because that dude was trying to kill me. No one could tell me anything different that dude was trying to kill me, right? And ego is that voice in your head that says, you better stand on business no matter if you get hurt or you hurt someone else.

And it's always gonna turn out bad if you let ego take over. Now let's look at three ways Ego hurts us. Number one. Ego makes us defensive. How many times have you been in a disagreement with your wife or your kids and instead of listening, you dug in your heels, you got defensive, and you focused on being right instead of making things right?

That's ego number two. Ego blocks growth. When you think you know it all, you stop learning. And when you stop learning, you stop growing. As a leader, we can't afford to be stagnant, but ego will tell you that you don't need to grow. You are fine just the way you are, right? Number three, ego isolates you.

Here's the three. No man is an island, but ego. Ego will have you thinking that you don't need anyone and you don't need advice. You don't need accountability or guidance. And before you know it, you're leading from a place of isolation and that never works. Now, what happens when ego leads? What happens when you let your ego run the show?

Here are three effects of us letting ego be our leader. Number one, it damages relationships. Ego makes it hard to apologize. It makes it hard to admit fault. And over time, that creates cracks in your relationship cracks that can turn into gullies if you're not careful. I. Number two, it creates a false sense of control.

Ego will have you thinking that you're in control, but the truth is you're not. Real control comes from humility, from being willing to learn, adapt, and to grow. Number three, it limits your influence. Think about this, would you follow a leader who can't admit their mistakes? Would you trust someone who's always defensive, who's always self-righteous?

Of course not. And your family feels the exact same way. Your ego limits your ability to lead because it erodes trust. So how do we combat ego? How do we embrace humility without feeling weak? Let's break it down into four parts. Number one, redefine humility. First, let's get this straight. Humility is not a weakness.

Humility is a strength under control. It's the ability to say, I don't have all the answers, but I'm willing to learn. For example, when your kids ask a tough question and you don't know the answer to this question, instead of brushing it off, how about you say, I don't know, but let's figure it out together.

Right? Number two, practice vulnerability. Here's the thing about vulnerability. It isn't about exposing your weakness. It's about being real. It's about showing your family that you are human too, for example. If you've made a mistake, own it. Tell your wife, yeah, I'm messed up. I'm sorry I screwed that up.

It's my fault. Let me figure out how to fix it. Right? Tell your kids, Hey, sorry, I gotta do better next time. I could have handled that better. I am sorry. That kind of honesty builds trust, right? Number three, seek feedback and accept it with grace. What does that mean? A humble leader asks for feedback. They don't just ask.

They listen and act on it. Here's an example. Sit down with your wife and ask, what is one thing I can do better as a husband and a father? Then take what she says Seriously, this is something that I need to do more often. I've done it. I've got constructive criticism, and it's things that was true that I probably had to change.

And it's not a bad thing. Don't forget you're gonna be with this person for a very long time. I hope the idea that you guys have for your relationship, that you're gonna be with this person for a very long time and you will need to adjust. You will need to change up how you do certain things, right?

Number four, focus on service, not status. Leadership isn't about being the boss. It's about serving the people who rely on you, for example. Let's say I like dealing with household things, right? Let's say you've come home one day and your wife is overwhelmed with everything that she has going on in the house.

I need you to observe that she needs your help, right? I need you to step in and help her with whatever it is that she needs to do. If your kids need help with their homework, be there. Let your actions show that you are there to serve and not to dominate, right? So here's your challenge for this week, brothers.

Number one, apologize when you're wrong this week. If you mess up, don't just brush it under the rug, own it. Apologize, and commit to doing better. Number two, ask for the feedback. Take it constructively and adjust. You've gotta be with these people for a long time. It makes no sense to keep unnecessary tension.

If you can tweak one or two things about you, you're not perfect anyway. None of us are. And when you ask for this feedback, have one-on-one conversations with your wife and your kids, and ask them, what are the things that I can do better as a leader? And reflect on those things. Number three, reflect on your actions.

At the end of the day, ask yourself, did my actions today reflect humility or ego? Write down an area where you can improve and make some adjustments. This will set you on a right path to start leading with humility instead of ego, which only causes more conflict. Alright, family. That is it for today's episode of Call Me First, the Attitude of Men that are leaders.

Remember this, humility isn't about thinking less of yourself. It's about thinking of yourself less. It's about serving with integrity, owning your mistakes, and leading with grace. If this episode hit home for you, don't keep it to yourself. Save it, download it, and share with another person who really needs to step up as a leader and don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode.

I need you guys to subscribe. This is the way we get to pass this message along to more people that need to hear this. A lot of us are watching the videos but aren't subscribing. Your subscription is free. It allows me to continue to push this message forward, and I need your help to do that. Well, that is it for now.

I am Damien Lewis reminding you that leadership starts with humility. Stay humble, stay hungry, and remember to look at your family and say, call me first.