Welcome back to Call Me First, the podcast where we step up as leaders and lead our families.
Fellas, let me ask you this. Have you ever been told that you're too nice? You may even be thinking that you're doing the right thing by being kind and trying to keep the peace, but here's the truth, nice guys. Don't make great leaders, and if you want to be the kind of man that your family looks up to, you need to get comfortable with being more than just a nice guy.
Now, I'm not saying that you need to be a jerk, but here's the deal. If you are always trying to be nice, you're missing something. Leadership isn't about being liked, it's about respect. And that respect comes when you step up as a leader firm. Clear and consistent. So, so why do nice guys struggle as leaders?
What can you do to become the leader your family needs? That's what we're gonna dive into today. Stick with me here. By the end of this, you'll understand why NICE isn't cutting it, and you'll be ready to start leading like a man who is respected and not just liked. Now, why do nice guys struggle as leaders?
There are four reasons that come to mind. Number one is your lack of authority. Being too nice makes it hard for people to take you seriously. When you avoid confrontation or you don't set firm boundaries, you create a lack of authority in your home, in your business, wherever you lead, people are going to question whether you can take charge or not.
They need to know that you're in control. And I don't mean controlling, I mean leading right. Number two in decisiveness. Nice guys often just can't make the tough calls. Why? Because they're afraid of stepping on toes and upsetting someone. But in leadership, there's no room for hesitation. You can't be a leader and always waiting for someone's approval.
When you're wishy-washy or unsure, people lose faith in your ability to lead. You're not showing up as a man of conviction. You know, I. And number three, failure to hold people accountable. Nice guys. Let people get away with almost anything. And leadership. If you can't hold others accountable, especially when they're falling short, then you're not a leader.
I can tell you a story here. This was right in the middle of Covid on my route as a truck driver. I was actually delivering liquor at the time, and I was on my route as a truck driver. I'm working with a partner of mines that me and him were actually real cool friends. We just got this new route and we were doing our deliveries, and we get to one of the stops on our deliveries.
So what we do is we deliver liquor to all the liquor stores, all the bars. Anywhere that sells liquor. So that's our job. We get to this one particular store. Well, my job is to drive the truck, load the hand truck up, and pass it to my partner for him to bring it into the store. So as he's going back and forth bringing the cases into the store, he comes back and he says to me, Hey, D, I don't know what's going on with this dude, bro, but he's giving me.
Mad attitude. And I'm saying, bro, it's probably just 'cause we're new and you know, he just wants to establish dominance or whatever it is. He said, D Man, I think it's something more than that, bro. And I said, all right, cool man. Just ignore it. Let's get our deliveries done. So we went on, we did that. Three days later we gotta go back to the same store.
My partner comes back, I said, yo D bro, something is wrong with this dude, bro. He is giving crazy attitude. And I said, you know what? Let's switch you load the hand truck up and I deliver the cases. So we did that. I go into the store, I'm delivering the cases. The guy does have an attitude. He is kind of feisty, so I'm saying, all right, maybe he needs time to adjust to the new delivery guys.
Maybe he had a relationship, uh, delivery guy was cool with him, whatever the situation is. So I'm delivering the cases back and forth in the store. And then the guy, he's giving me crazy attitude. To the point that I had to stop and I put the hand truck down. I said to Guy, I said, what's your name buddy? He told me his name and I said, all right, cool.
I'm Damien. I'm going to be your new delivery driver, at least for the next year. This is my route. I'm not getting off of the route. My partner's not getting off of the route. You are going to be on our stop, so we need to find a way to work together that is comfortable for both of us. He goes, what do you mean by that?
I said, listen, bro, the way you're talking, you're talking to us like we're peasants. We're not peasants. We're here to work. We're here to do a job. The only way that job is going to be work is if we're both comfortable. And if we're both not comfortable, then we're going to both be equally uncomfortable.
That's the line I got from Jason Black, right? So I said that to him and he said, looked at me and he said, what do you suggest we do here? Be nice to each other. We speak to each other. We said, hello. We work together. We gotta do this for a year. You're gonna have to deal with me for a year at least. And he says, you know what, man?
I apologize, man. I've just been having a rough week. I said, all right, cool. What happened was at that point I established that I was an authority figure too. You weren't going to boss me around. You weren't going to treat me however you want to, and the fact that I was able to establish that to him in a place that he thought he was dominant, really set the tone for where we went forward after that.
So long story longer, me and this guy, we actually became cool to the point that whenever we went to a store, he was offering us Gatorade water, whatever it is, and trying to make as comfortable as possible. Meanwhile, in the Be, if I never said anything to him, he would've continued to treat us like garbage.
So the point I'm trying to make here is true leaders create a culture of accountability. That's how people grow and improve. If you are afraid to call someone out or challenge them to do better, you're not leading. Right. Number four is a fear of being disliked. A lot of men fear that if they assert their authority, they'll be seen as harsh or unlikeable.
But leadership requires tough decisions. You cannot lead by pleasing everyone. And here's the kicker. Being liked is not the same as being respected. You'll never earn the respect of your family, your friends or coworker if you are just trying to be liked all the time. Now, the what's the consequences of being too nice?
Let me make this real for you. If you are too nice at home, what happens is you get walked over. Your kids will push your boundaries. I am telling you, if you let too many things slide with your children, they're going to challenge you to the utmost, and it's normally the youngest one or the middle one that challenges you.
Listen, set boundaries with your children. At this point, with your children. You have to establish a place of dominance, right? That you are the leader, you are the authority. Now, the longer you tolerate this, the more they push. They know they can get away with things because you are afraid to set rules and stick to them.
Listen, your kids are keeping a notebook or chart or whatever of things they can get away with and how they can get away with it, right? And eventually it's not about being nice anymore. It's about you losing respect. And when that happens, they totally stop listening to you. The same thing happens with your partner, with your wife.
If you are consistently avoiding conflict, letting things slide, eventually they stop taking you serious as the leader of the household at work. It's the same thing if you are nice but indecisive or. Unwilling to stand your ground. People won't look to you for guidance. They'll look elsewhere. If you don't hold the people around you accountable, they'll start slacking off and your productivity will suffer.
Nice doesn't mean leadership. Nice means comfort. And comfort doesn't make you a great leader. Now here's why. Nice guys need to change. So here's the truth. It's not about being mean, it's about being assertive, strong and consistent. Here are four things that needs to happen to make that shift. I. Number one, you shift from being nice to respectful in leadership.
You need to stop being afraid to assert yourself. Start making decisions with confidence even if they're hard. Leadership isn't about pleasing everyone. It's about doing what's right for the family, for the team, and for the long-term health of your group. Now, example, at home, set clear boundaries with your kids.
Let them know that there are rules and they need to be followed. No exceptions be the example of consistency. Number two, take ownership of the hard decisions. Being a leader means owning your decisions. You can't let fear or discomfort back you into a corner. For example, you don't have to be a tyrant, but if you need to cut back on spending or you need to make a major decision that will impact the family, make it confidently take ownership of the outcome, things could go good or it could go bad.
Either way, when you make the decision, you are responsible for whatever the outcome is. That is your job as a leader. You take responsibility whether good or bad, this is how you lead your family. This is how you lead your team. There was no other way. A leader can't sit in the back and put blame on someone else.
This is your job. Take ownership of whatever decision that you make. Number three, lead by example. In accountability. This is a huge one. As a leader, you must hold yourself and others accountable. For example, if your kids are failing in their responsibilities, whether that's chores or schoolwork or something else, just don't let it slide.
Sit them down and explain the consequences and follow through with whatever that is. Number four, create boundaries and enforce them. Your time is valuable, your energy is valuable. Stop letting others take advantage of that, right? I. Here's an example. At work, make sure your boundaries are clear. If you're the boss, if you're the manager, you're the supervisor, whatever, it's, don't let people interrupt your time and take advantage of your kindness.
Set clear expectations for your energy. When you make these changes, you'll notice something. People will start treating you differently. People will respect you more. You'll become the kind of leader that your family can count on. They won't just see you as the nice guy. They'll see you as someone who can lead them through tough times, make tough decisions, and do what's best for everyone.
I. Now, here's some actionable things that I want you to do. You signed for today, and I'm going to make it simple. Pick one boundary in your life, whether it's at home, at work, in your personal relationships, and start enforcing it. Number two, make a decision that you've been and because you're worried about upsetting people.
Listen, make the decision. It's going to upset people and then guess what? They'll get over it. And if they don't get over it. So what? You still got a life to live. You still gotta make decisions. You still gotta do what's right, whatever that is, how uncomfortable people feel. That's not your problem. Don't just make decisions.
Stand by it. Number three, hold someone accountable for something they're not following through with. Whether it's a colleague, a family member, or even yourself. Make sure accountability is happening and here's the kicker, and do all of this without feeling guilty for it. Put pressure on yourself. Make yourself do what you need to do for the benefit of the family, for the benefit of the team.
Hold yourself accountable. The accountability that you want everyone else to feel around you starts with you. That's what this whole entire podcast is about. I'm not here to coach people through relationships. This program is about self-development. Self-development, meaning within ourselves. What we learn here, we can apply to everyday life.
It's not about what the other person in our lives are doing. It's not what they're doing regardless. It's for our self-development. It makes us better as men. Granted the things that other people around us do may affect how we are able to follow through with some of these lessons. But the thing about it is you have to be decisive.
You have to be convicted to self-improvement. That's what this program is about. I cannot tell you what to do as far as relationship advice. I'm telling you what you need to do regardless of what the relationship is doing, just figure out or come to terms with the fact that you are the leader and being nice is not an option all the time.
I heard LL Cool J say this LL Cool J. One time he's in interview and someone may have referred to him as a nice guy. LL Cool J say, listen, no, no, no, no. I'm not a nice guy. I'm a good guy. I don't want to be confused with being a nice guy. I'm not a nice guy. I'm a good guy. It's a difference. And that really stuck with me 'cause I realized what he was saying is nice guys get pushed over.
I'm not a nice guy. I don't get pushed over. What he was saying was, I'm a good guy, I'll do the right things, but I might not be nice about it, but I'm gonna do the right things right? And that is a huge lesson, right? So with that being said, gentlemen, nice guys, don't always win. You have to step up. You have to take authority.
Take all the lessons that you've gotten from me today, implore them to your life, and watch things change. All right, gentlemen. That's it for today's episode. If this message resonated with you, I need you to take action. If you're listening but you haven't subscribed yet, go ahead and hit that subscribe button.
If you know someone who needs to hear this, share it with them. Don't just listen. Share it, download it, subscribe your support. Helps this podcast grow and reach more men who need to step up in their leadership. Now, remember, don't just be nice. Be respected. When you're leading your family, look them in the eye and say it with confidence.
Remember to call me first. Y'all take it easy.
