5. How Can a Man Help His Family During a Tough Time?

When life gets hard, your leadership is on trial. Will you rise to the occasion, or will you crumble under pressure? Real leaders don’t fold—they adapt, take charge, and protect what matters most. In this episode of Call Me First, we break down what it takes to lead your family with strength, respect, and resilience, even when everything around you feels unstable.

Weak leadership creates chaos. If your family doesn’t trust your decisions, if your wife questions your ability to provide, or if your kids don’t respect your authority—that’s on you. But the good news? You can fix it.

I’ll give you the exact mindset and actions you need to earn respect, maintain control, and lead with confidence when times get tough. Because a man’s leadership isn’t proven in the good times—it’s tested in the storm.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• The #1 mistake that weakens your authority at home
• How to earn—and keep—your family’s trust and respect
• A simple strategy to stay in control when pressure hits

Your family’s security depends on your ability to lead. Step up, take responsibility, and pass the test.

Listen now and remember—look at your family and say, "Call me first."

Transcript

 When life throws curve balls are you to rock? Your family can lean on. Gentlemen, we've all had those moments. The times when life feels like you're throwing everything at you at once. You're juggling work, family, finances, and the weight of your responsibilities, and then bam, life hits you with something that you weren't expecting.

It could be a financial crisis. An argument with your wife or a health scare, whatever it is, it's enough to make you feel like the world is closing in on you. Here's the real question, when all that pressure is bearing down on you. Can your family lean on you or do you find yourself losing your cool, adding to the chaos and further complicating the situation.

Today we're diving into how to lead your family through adversity. We are talking about how to stay calm when life throws its worst at you. You know what I mean? When you start getting hit with so many lefts, you start begging for a right. Yeah, exactly. So how do you maintain your composure? How do you stay focused on your role as the head of the family?

How do you guide your loved ones when it feels like everything is falling apart? We're going to talk about all of this and more. It's time to take charge, gentlemen. It's time to lead through the storm. Let's start by being real. Adversity is something that every man will face. I'll face it. You will face it.

If you haven't faced it, get prepared. It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when. Be prepared for it, you're going to face some type of adversity. It could be financial difficulties. It comes in many shapes and sizes, health problems, relationship strains, or any number of challenges that life throws you away.

But here's the thing, adversity is not the problem. How you respond, that's what matters. That's where your leadership comes into play. What are you really made of? Are you the man your family believes you to be? When life gets tough? It's easy to feel like everything is spiraling outta control, stress, fear, uncertainty.

These emotions can easily overwhelm you, and when you are feeling overwhelmed, the last thing you want to do is to have to think about how to stay calm, how to stay focused, and how to keep control. But that's exactly what you need to do. As men, we are expected to handle the weight of the world on our shoulders.

It's like the moment we step into the role of the leader of our families, we're supposed to have all of the answers. And when the storms of life roll in, it can feel like we're the only ones who have to hold it together. The weight of that responsibility can be crushing, especially if you're not prepared for it.

I can tell you a story here back in May, 2012, I was with another young lady at the time. We were together for years, way before I met my wife. She is actually the mother of my oldest son now. So before my oldest son was conceived, she was pregnant with another baby of mine, and pregnancy was going good.

We're getting prepared. We were buying all the things necessary for a baby and just pretty much getting life together. We were sitting at home one day and she says to me, Hey Dame, um, I haven't felt the baby move in in a couple of hours, but this isn't the first time it's happened. He was a guy that loved to sleep, I guess.

So I said, what do you mean, like a couple of hours? She's like, well, it's been a couple of hours, but I said, well, that's normal, but let's you wanna go to the hospital to go check it out. So we did that. We went to the hospital, and whenever you're dealing with a pregnancy, the hospital usually gets you inside real quick.

You don't really have to wait in the emergency room for too long or if you even have to wait at all. So we were immediately brought to the back. It was no rush, no concern. You know, it was just like a normal thing. So we went into the room, the nurse came into the room. She was all laughing and joking with us, just casual talk, and she began to do an ultrasound.

When she started doing this ultrasound, the laughing and joking stopped. She turned and looked at me directly, and when she looked at me, I saw a complete, complete fear in her eyes. When I say I automatically knew something was wrong, when I saw the fear in her eyes and I said, nurse, what's going on? She said, I can't find a heartbeat.

And I said, what? She said, I can't find a heartbeat. I. So immediately I started losing my mind, right? And she said, hold on a second. Let me go get the doctors. The doctor came real quick. It probably was maybe 15 seconds after she left out the room. The doctor came in. When the doctor came in, the doctor sat down serious face, and he began to do the ultrasound.

And my heart is beaten outta my chest when he's doing this ultrasound. He did it for maybe about two minutes. Then he looked over at us and he said, I'm sorry. But the baby isn't alive. I said, no, doc. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You gotta check. You gotta check. At this point, she's about 35 weeks pregnant.

This is a full grown baby. I said, no, doc, you gotta check. And he said, listen, unfortunately I seen too many of these and I could tell you right now, and it's hard for me to tell you he's not alive at that moment. I wrote now, and I'm hysterical. She is too. I couldn't think of anything to do. It was just me and her at the hospital.

And only person I could think of was to call, was my old boss at my old job, Tito. And the reason I even thought to call Tito, he was probably the most well-rounded person male that I actually knew at that time. And he was into, into church. We had a great relationship. He was almost, he was like a mentor to me at that point.

And when I called him, he answered, I'm crying at the time and I'm telling him what's going on and what happened. And he started saying his sorrys. And at this point, like I said, I'm hysterical and I'm crying, I'm losing. And he said, D, I know this ain't what you want to hear right now, but I'm about to tell you something.

You see how you feel right now. She feels 10 times worse than you. She was the one carrying that baby. She was the one that was fully attached to that baby. That baby's still inside of her. And he said, Dee, pull it together. You gotta pull it together for her. You could deal with your mess later, but you gotta pull it together for her right now.

She needs you more than anything in the world. I don't know how those words put me in a situation that you get the term I'm trying to say. I manned up and I sucked it up, and I went in the room and I held it together and I tried to console her the best I could. I said all that, that story to tell you guys this, that lesson that I learned from Tito that day.

Stuck with me ever since then, since 2012, I've been living by that message that Tito gave me that day. And pretty much what I got from it is you as a man have to hold your stuff together in the face of adversity. No matter what it is. You gotta hold it together. And even if you take a second to. Let loose with your emotions and your feelings.

Keep yourself under control. Do what you need to do with people watching you, people who are expecting you to be the strength. And that is what I got from that, from that day, right? Like I said, ever since then, that lesson has stuck with me. I use it on a regular. It's plenty of times that I'm going through things and even my wife knows that I have the quietest panic.

The calmest panic they I've ever seen, and I learned that after talking to Tito that day, and I held onto it. So to move forward, I just want to explain to you that leadership is not about having all the answers. It's about managing the situation when you don't have all the answers. It's about setting the tone for your family when everything else is chaotic.

It's about staying grounded in your role as the leader, even if you're unsure how things will turn out. So what happens if you do lose control in these moments of adversity? I have four issues that come to mind. Let's break it down. Number one is stress and feeling overwhelmed. The first thing that tends to happen is that we get overwhelmed.

Life starts throwing problems at us, and we feel like we can't keep up. Our mental and emotional bandwidth gets stretched thin. We feel stressed, and when stress builds up, it clouds our judgment. Instead of thinking clearly, we react impulsively. This is where things start to spiral. Think about a time you felt overwhelmed, whether it was a sudden financial burden, a health scare, or family disagreement.

Did you stay calm or did your emotions take the will? I could probably tell you right now that I am way guilty of those. There's that issue. Way guilty of it. It's a learning process. Still going through the motions and like I told you guys before, in other episodes, I'm here a learning with you, right? I.

Now, number two, fear of the unknown. One of the most heroizing emotions during adversity is fear. We don't know what's going to happen next. We don't know if we're going to make it through the storm, and when we don't know the outcome, fear starts to take control. It causes us to hesitate to second guess ourselves or to react in ways that makes the situation worse.

How often do you let fear guide your decisions? A fear of failure, fear of conflict, fear of the unknown. It's easy to let fear control you if you're not mindful, right? Number three, reacting without thinking. This is a serious issue. When we feel outta control, it's easy to react emotionally. This is one of the most detrimental things to us as men impulsively reacting emotionally.

That one horrible trait has put so many of us in the dirt and so many of us behind bars. And it's something that we as men must control for the prosperity of our families. They need us. Or maybe you raise your voice at your spouse or lash out at your kids. Maybe you make rash decisions that only compound the problem.

And while it's natural to feel upset, reacting impulsively doesn't solve anything. It only adds to the chaos. Do you ever find yourself reacting like this? Maybe you snap at someone when you're stressed out or you make a decision in the heat of the moment without thinking it through, or have you done things like that?

Be real with yourself now. Number four, self-doubt. One of the sneakiest problems when it comes to adversity is self-doubt. When things are tough, it's easy to question yourself. Am I doing the right thing? Am I the right person for this responsibility? These doubts can paralyze you and prevent you from taking any decisive actions.

Have you ever doubted your own ability to lead through tough times? I know I have plenty of times. But I hold it together. Nobody knows that I'm, I doubt myself sometimes. Nobody knows. I hold it together and not the fact that I'm hiding it from anyone. It's the fact that I have a duty to fulfill and I'm going to do it.

That's just what my job is. I have a duty to fulfill. I have to evaluate and find a remedy that is my job. Have you ever doubted your own ability to lead this? Self-doubt can make it harder to trust your instincts and stay in control. Now, here's a ripple effect on your family. What happens when you lose control in the face of adversity?

It's not about you anymore. It affects everyone in your family. Here's how your wife, when you lose your composure, it adds to the stress. Your wife is already feeling it. Instead of a source of support for her, you become another source of tension. She's looking to you for strength and you are not holding your ears together.

It undermines her confidence in your leadership. Now, your kids, your children are always watching. They learn from what you do, not just what you say. When they see you losing control, they think that's how they should handle challenges. This is how cycles of poor leadership gets passed out by them watching what you do when you are faced with challenges.

If you can't stay calm under pressure, they may struggle to do the same when it's their turn. When you react impulsively or panic through tough times, you lose the confidence of your family. They start to question your ability to lead. That is a bad spot to be in, and if they lose trust in you, it becomes harder to guide them through the next challenge.

Think about it this way. You set the tone for your family. If you are calm, composed, and focused, they'll feel the same way. Now, if you're panicked and reactive, they'll follow suit. Now that we've discussed the problems, let's talk about the solutions. Here are five things that I need you to work on that will help you stay calm and storm and lead your family through adversity.

Number one, master your emotions. The first thing you have to do is learn how to control your emotions. This isn't about suppressing your feelings, it's about choosing how to express them. When you feel overwhelmed, take a moment to pause. Don't immediately react. Give yourself some time to process before responding.

Breathe. Take a deep breath and ground yourself. Give yourself a second to think clearly before speaking or acting, and then you respond. Don't react. When you take control of your emotions, you respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively. This is something I had to learn over time. This is a secret weapon of mine.

Whenever I'm in any disagreement in this house, I learn to let whatever disagreement is play through before I react with the thoughts that are in my head. The thoughts that are in my head will cause more problems. I'm telling you like if I react right away, my words will cause more issues. So lately I've been learning to chill for a second and let things play out.

As a father when a husband, I have learned that the key to not letting my emotions take control is that when I'm calm, I can think more clearly and make better decisions. Number two, I want you to focus on what you can control. One of the best ways to stay calm in a storm is to focus on what you can control.

There will always be things outside of your control, things like the economy, other people's actions or unexpected events, but you have the power to control your response to those things. Focus on the actions you can take right now to improve the situation. In my own life, I had to remind myself that during tough times that I can't control everything, but I can control my attitude, my decision making, and my actions.

I can focus on what I can change and take actionable steps to prove the situation, right. Number three, you set the tone for your family. They follow suit to how you lead. Remember, you are the leader. Your family is watching you. You can either add to the chaos or you can lead by example. How you handle adversity will directly impact how your family handles adversity.

If you stay calm and positive, they will follow your lead. Lead by example. Stay calm. Think through decisions. Stay focused on the solutions. Be transparent. Let your family know what's going on, but don't dump the burden on them. Share your thoughts and your feelings this way. You show them that you're handling the situation and not letting it control you.

Number four. Communicate openly and honestly. One of the most important things you can do during adversity is to communicate. It is a solid foundation. It is something that we don't practice enough. And I'm gonna tell you this, if you have a problem communicating, if you have a problem expressing your thoughts and your feelings constructively, you are not fit to lead.

Don't try to handle everything on your own either. Share what you're going through with your wife and talk through the issues together. This will not only strengthen your relationship, but it will also create a sense of unity in the face of adversity. I. Number five, trust yourself and your leadership.

Here's the bottom line. You don't have to have all the answers. Trust yourself, but you do have to have strength and wisdom to make decisions in the moment. Your family is looking to you for guidance, and the best thing you can do is trust that you are capable of handling whatever comes your way. Let me share a personal story with you here.

When my wife and I first started this family together, our first big purchase was buying this house. I was working as a truck driver overnight, and the income wasn't enough to cover any expenses that came after the purchase of the house. Which was something that we were totally aware of before we made the buying decisions.

We knew we were gonna have unexpected expenses, and of course we had bills to pay, mouse to feed, and we definitely had a lot of uncertainty. But instead of panicking, I focused on what I can control. I worked harder, took on extra jobs, and I communicated openly with my wife about this decision. We brainstormed together and together we came up with a plan.

It wasn't easy, but through calm leadership, we got through it. That experience taught me that adversity doesn't have to break you with the right mindset and the right partner. It can strengthen you. Gentlemen. Adversity is going to come, like I said before, it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when and when it does.

Your role as a leader will be tested. Will you stay calm in the storm? Will you guide your family through it with confidence? Will you remain the rock they can lean on? You have the power to lead through adversity. You have the power to set the tone for your family and show them how to handle life's challenges.

So the next time the storm comes, well remember this. Stay calm, stay focused, and lead your family through it. Well, that is all I have for you guys today. Thanks for listening to call me First. If you found value in this episode, I encourage you to save it, share it, subscribe, download. Let's continue to grow together.

And remember, leadership starts with you. Stay strong, stay calm, and lead your family well. Until next time, remember to look at your family and say, call me first.