4."Man of the House: How to Lead, Mentor, and Earn Your Family’s Respect"

The #1 Leadership Mistake: Thinking Respect Comes with the Title

Respect isn’t automatic—it’s earned and given. In this episode of Call Me First, we break down the biggest leadership mistake men make: assuming that respect comes with the title.

True leadership isn’t about control or authority; it’s about how you treat others, especially your family. If your wife and children don’t feel respected, no amount of strength or leadership will matter. We’ll dive into:

. The truth about earning vs. giving respect
. How a lack of respect can damage your family relationships
. Practical ways to lead with respect and build trust
. The #1 thing you must fix before others will respect you

Plus, I’ll give you a simple challenge to apply this lesson in your daily life. Ready to level up as a leader? Let’s talk about it.

. Listen now and start leading with real respect!

#Leadership #Respect #Fatherhood #Men #PersonalGrowth #CallMeFirst

Transcript

 The role of respect and leadership gaining it and giving it. Hey, it's Damien Lewis. Welcome back to Call Me First. Today we're diving into a topic that is foundational to leadership, which is respect. It's a word that gets thrown around a lot, but as a leader, how well do you truly understand it? Respect isn't just something that we demand from others.

It's something that we have to give too. I want you to think about these next couple questions for a moment. Do you think respect is earned given freely or both? And as a leader, how are you making sure that the people around you feel respected and valued? These questions are crucial because as men, we often focus on leading, taking charge, and showing strength.

But real leadership isn't just about being in control or making decisions. It's about how you make others feel, how you treat them, and how well you matter. Respect yourself. If your family doesn't feel respected, all the strength and authority in the world wouldn't even matter. When we talk about respect and leadership, I.

It's easy to get confused about how it works. You've probably heard the phrase that respect is earned and not given. And while that's true, it's only a part of the picture. As a leader, our job isn't just to earn respect, we have to give it to, but here's the problem a lot of men face when they're growing into being leaders.

We focus too much on gaining respect and not enough on showing it. We assume that because we are the leader, people will just respect us. We don't always lead by example when it comes to respect, whether it's with our wives, our children, or anyone else in our lives. Respect is supposed to be both earned and given.

Here's a public service announcement. You can't give what you don't have. If you don't respect yourself, you won't be able to give respect to others. That's just the bottom line. It's just the way of the land. You have to respect yourself in order for you to know how to respect others. Respecting yourself is understanding your worth, knowing your boundaries, and treating yourself with dignity.

When you have that respect for yourself, it naturally flows to others. But if you are neglecting your own respect, you can't expect to lead in a way that inspires respect from your family or anyone else. What happens when respect is lacking? What happens when respect is missing from leadership? Here's the truth.

Your family feels undervalued when you don't give respect. Even in the small things, it shows. Maybe you dismiss your wife's opinions, ignore your kids' thoughts, or make decisions without considering how they feel over time. This creates a toxic environment where no one feels valued and your leadership loses its power.

I would name three areas that will suffer. You ready? Here we go. Number one. If people don't feel respected, they stop trusting you, and when the trust is lost, you stop being a leader. In their eyes, they might obey you, but that's not leadership. Leadership is about influence, not obedience. I. Number two, you alienate your team or your family, your loved one.

Respect isn't a one way street. If you demand respect from your wife and kids or anyone else, but you fail to give it a return, you're going to create distance. No one wants to follow someone who doesn't value them. I know for sure I don't. Whenever I'm in a situation and my opinions don't matter whether it's at work or anything else, I don't want to be a part of it.

What am I here for if my opinions don't get put into reference? Number three, you fail to grow. A good leader knows that learning never stops. If you're not open to feedback or you think that you know it all, you'll miss opportunities to improve yourself as a person and as a leader. That is a space of constant growth in leadership.

We have to learn, we have to evolve. We have to be a constant space of information flowing in that we learn from, so that we can learn and give more back to our families. Now solution. How do we fix this? Here's the good news. Respect is a skill and it's something that can be learned and improved over time.

So how do you start giving and earn a respect in your leadership role? I'll give you six examples. Number one, lead by example. The first step in gain and respect is given it lead with integrity. Your actions should speak louder than your words. For example, your children, when they speak, listen, don't interrupt.

Don't belittle their opinions and make time for 'em. Show them by your actions that their thoughts and feelings truly matter. I have a thing that I do with my children. I respect them in a way that I refer to my sons as, yes sir. No, sir. And my daughters, yes ma'am. No ma'am. I'm not sure if this is something that most parents would agree with, but what it is, is for me, it's showing them how they should be referred to.

I'm starting them now. This is how you should be referred to it. Don't get me wrong, I'm in a space where they respect me to the ultimate, and this is because I've shown them what respect needs to be, and I've also given them respect, right? Number two, communicate with care. When you communicate with the people in your life, whether it's your wife or kids, or anyone you lead, be mindful of how you speak to them.

Speak with kindness. Even when you're frustrated or under pressure. Example, I'll admit when I'm stressed out, it's easy to snap at my wife or kids, but I've learned that that kind of communication doesn't lead to respect. It leads to tension and distance. Instead, I take a deep breath, think about how I want them to feel when we do talk.

These wasn't something that I was good at. I just really started getting into a space where I'm not communicating with force anymore. I'm communicating with these kids for understanding. I want them to understand. I want them to learn. I don't want them to fear me, so I had to get out of that role. And be honest with you, I've gotten them to a place that we don't have a battle with respect.

The communication is pretty easy going to this point. You know what I mean? Respectful communication builds trust, right? Number three, show appreciation. When you take time to appreciate the people around you, they feel valued, and when they feel valued, they're more likely to respect you. You might be the one making all the decisions, but that doesn't mean you're the only one who matters.

I've learned to tell my wife how much I appreciate her dedication to our family and the hard work she puts in. I might leave her a note and just tell her, listen babe, I can't remember the last one I wrote. It was something to the fact that I noticed how hard she was working and putting the kids together, getting 'em ready for school, for bed, reading bedtime stories, preparing breakfast for 'em, preparing dinner whenever she needs to.

Most times I come home and I'm the one that picks the kids up from school, so I usually prepare dinner. She gets home a little bit after me. So that part is pretty much taken care of, but she does so much beyond that. Sometimes it goes without thanks or appreciation for me. I know for sure it goes a lot of times without thanks and appreciation from the kids.

So every now and then I show her some appreciation by even leaving her a note or picking some flowers up or. Just pull her to the side and I look at her, just say, babe, thank you. I appreciate you. I really do that, and it's something I had to learn over time. I wasn't always this person, but as you grow, as you develop, as you become a leader, you've realize that it's things that you need to do for the success of your family, for the success of the mission.

You do what you need to do. It's a part of being a leader. When I do show my wife appreciation, it creates a positive cycle of respect, right? And it's just you have to be willing to be in a humble place where you can actually recognize the hard work that somebody around you is doing. And when you do that, just a bit of appreciation goes a long way.

A bit of appreciation means the world to a lot of people, even when they feel overwhelmed. When they feel stuck, when they feel it's too much showing appreciation can actually give them that boost they need to carry on. Number four, be consistent. Respect doesn't just happen once it's built over time. If you show respect to your family, but then neglect it, you'll lose their trust.

Be consistent in how you treat others. Example, I used to be inconsistent with my approach to leadership. I've spoke about this in previous episode. I had days where I was on top of everything and other days where I didn't make the effort to lead respectfully, I fell short. I decided that I didn't wanna carry the weight.

It's just what it is. I just didn't want to carry the weight. That was a part of growth that needed improvement, and now I've learned to be consistent. Respect is a habit that needs to be practiced every day. Bottom line, there's no if, ands, and buts about it. Number five, own your mistakes. As a leader, you're going to make mistakes.

It's inevitable, but how you handle those mistakes says a lot about your character. If you own your mistakes and learn from them, it builds respect. Example, when I'm messed up with my kids or my wife, I don't try to sweep it under the rug. I apologize and explain that I'll do better next time. This shows my family that I'm human, but I'm also responsive enough to learn how to grow.

Accountability rides along with this part of respect. And when you screw up, it is okay to tell whoever it is that you screwed up and you realize your mistakes and you will do better. Don't just say it, actually put the work in to do better. Pick it up. Move on to the next play. Let's go. Number six.

Empower those around you. When you give others a chance to lead, you show respect for their abilities. Empower your family members to take ownership of their responsibilities. This builds a natural respect and creates a stronger bond. Example with my kids, I've learned to let them make decisions and take responsibilities for their actions.

This shows them that I trust them and it helps them grow into confident, respectful individuals. Alright, so an example of what I'm learning now, what I'm working on with my kids now, actually not even working on with my kids. I'm pretty much working on me with this situation, right? With my kids. I am working on letting them make their own decisions and when they make these decisions, they have to take responsibilities for the actions.

They gotta take responsibility for the consequences or be happy with the praises that come with these decisions. But they're learning to take responsibility. Right? And these wasn't something that I did freely. I was always overprotective and tell you the truth. I was a micromanager. I was a real micromanager and I held them back from doing a lot before, and now I've gotten to a place where I sit back and watch a lot, and then they're actually learning on their own without me having to get involved.

A lot of times, and this shows them that I trust them. It helps grow them into confident, respectful individuals. Now, respect is much more than just words. One of the things I want you to understand is that respect isn't just by you saying things. It's not you writing it down. It's not just about that.

It's about actions. You can say all the right things, but if your actions don't align with those words, it doesn't mean a darn thing. People are paying attention to how you behave and how you treat them. If you want to gain respect, you have to be willing to walk the walk and not just talk the talk. This is something that I've learned over the years in my personal life, especially as a husband and a father.

Words are nice, but actions speak louder than anything you can say. Now, what if you did all of that, but you didn't have respect for yourself? If you are struggling with respect, the first place to look is within. Respect doesn't just come from others. It starts with you. If you don't respect yourself, you won't be able to fully give respect to anyone else.

Take a moment and think about how you treat yourself. Think about it, how do you treat yourself? Do you take care of your health? Do you make time for personal growth? Are you doing things necessary to improve your life? If not, that could be why you're struggling to give respect to others. Respecting yourself isn't just about being arrogant or selfish.

It's about knowing your worth. It's about treating yourself with the same dignity that you want to extend to others. When you respect yourself, it becomes easier to give respect. Let's get real for a moment. Leading a family is one of the hardest, yet most important things that you'll ever do When you.

Step into that role. You have to realize that respect is the foundation of everything. Without respect, the family dynamic will fall apart. Your kids need to feel like they matter. Your wife needs to feel valued. If you are not giving them that respect, your leadership will be ineffective. When I first got married, I struggled with this.

I had to learn that being a good husband meant respecting my wife's thoughts and opinions. I wasn't just the head of the household, I was a partner and a teammate. I had to show her respect, not just demand it. One of the areas that I struggled in when we first got married was decision making. I was always a person that made decisions.

I still kind of am, though. I am an impulsive person. Not as far as anything wild, but I mean like even when it comes down to buying something, I see something I want, I usually go buy it. And with that happening. I had to relax a little bit 'cause this, the money isn't just mines anymore. It's a sheer situation, so I had to calm down and get opinions from my wife before I was making big purchases.

And the truth is a lot of things that I did purchase or buy, I didn't even need it. I just wanted it because I saw it and there was just an impulsive thing. So now that I have my wife to actually, she and my decision make it where this far as far as the impulse goes, it shoot, tell you the truth, it's saving me a lot of money.

And I am grateful for that part of it, right? Because I was outta control. Let's be real. I was outta control. Now let's talk about the power of listening. One of the easiest ways to show respect is by listening. We all have a tendency to talk more than we listen. But as a leader, you need to reverse that.

When your family feels like you're listening to them, really listening, they feel valued. And trust me, it works. I know from a personal experience that when I take time to really listen to my wife and kids, it strengthens our relationship. It shows them that I respect their thoughts and feelings.

Listening is from a place of respect, and it's something that can completely transform the family dynamics. So I wanna give you guys an assignment for today. I'm gonna leave you with this. It's a simple assignment that will help you start applying today's lessons. Take a moment and think about your relationship.

Are you giving respect to the people around you? Are you showing appreciation, listening and being consistent? If not, what changes can you make starting today? Now for next week, I want you to make a conscious effort to show respect in every interaction, whether it's with your kids, whether it's with your wife or anyone else in your life.

Be intentional about giving respect. When you show respect, it will come back to you. Next, I want you to own up to your mistakes. If you've messed up in a way that has affected the respect in your relationship, take responsibility and then be accountable, apologize, own up to it, and make a commitment to improve.

Leadership is more than just leading. It's about leading with integrity, respect, and care. If you want people in your life to respect you, you need to give them respect first. It's not a one time thing. It's a consistent ongoing process. So take time to reflect on your actions today. Start showing respect and watch how your relationships, your family, your team, and your leadership will start to transform.

And it's as simple as that. Well, that's all I have for you guys today. If you found value in today's lesson. Don't forget to subscribe, download, and share. Let's spread the word and keep building up as men who are leading their families. Until next time, take care of yourself and remember to look at your family and say, call me first.