3. A Man’s Past Does Affect His Future

Are you leading your family, or just repeating the past? Too many men inherit cycles of broken homes, absent fathers, and weak leadership—often without even realizing it. But here’s the truth: you have the power to break the cycle and redefine what leadership looks like for your family.

In this eye-opening episode of Call Me First, host Damian Lewis dives deep into the impact of generational patterns and how they shape the way we lead. If you’ve ever struggled with stepping into your role as a leader, this episode will give you the tools to rewrite your family’s story, take control, and build a legacy of strength, respect, and purpose.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

. How generational patterns influence your leadership—whether you realize it or not
 . Why being ‘better than your father’ isn’t enough—and what truly matters
 . A proven strategy to break negative cycles and set a new family standard
 .Practical steps to lead with vision, discipline, and accountability

. Your last name should stand for something great. This is your chance to step up, take responsibility, and lead your family in a way that changes future generations.

. Hit play now and take the first step toward real leadership!

. If this episode speaks to you, don’t keep it to yourself—follow, download, and share with another man who needs to hear it!

Transcript

 Welcome to Call Me First, the podcast where men step up, lead, and break cycles. I am Damian Lewis, and today we're tackling something that has held a lot of us back for generations. We're breaking the patterns we were raised with and redefining leadership in our families. Let me start off by asking you this question.

How much of your leadership style is shaped by how you were raised? Think about that for a second. Are you leading your family the way your father led? The way your uncles or grandfather or older brothers did? How many habits are you repeating? Not because they work, but because it's all you've ever known.

See, the way we lead in our homes or careers, even in everyday life, is deeply rooted in how we were raised. And let's be real, some of those lessons helped us, but not all of them. Some of us watched the men in our lives fail their families, fathers who weren't there, marriages that fell apart, men jumping from job to job, or worse, ending up being incarcerated.

And whether we like it or not, we picked up some of those patterns. I know firsthand. Growing up, I didn't have a consistent example of a strong male leadership. I was left to figure things out on my own. And let me tell you, trial and error is a painful way to learn how to be a man. And here's the thing.

This lack of leadership doesn't just affect us. It shows up in the next generation too. What do I mean by that? How many times have you been out at a grocery store or a restaurant and you've seen a kid, not four or five years old, but maybe 10, 12 years old, completely out of control, disrespectful, talking back, acting wild.

And the first thought that comes across my mind is, that kid's father isn't in his life, and if he is, he's not showing up the way he should. Because you can tell when a child has an act of competent father, it's obvious. The truth is, we lead from the lessons we were taught, whether they were good or bad.

And for too many of us, those lessons are keeping us stuck in cycles. We need to break. So the real question is, are you leading by default or by design? Today, we're going to talk about how to break these patterns, step into real leadership and build a legacy our children can be proud of. Let's get into it.

I'm going to keep it real with you. When I was younger, I'm talking late teens all through my twenties or even early thirties. I was moving through life and mimicking what I saw in relationships and leadership and responsibilities without fully understanding the consequences. And one day it hit me. I was becoming the very things I swore I would never be.

For me, that moment of truth came in my mid thirties. I looked at my life and made a decision. That decision was, I will not continue to repeat the same mistakes the men before me made. I wasn't going to be another man who left his children with the same struggles I had to overcome. And here's the truth.

I need you to hear this. Leadership starts with the man in the mirror. It is you versus you. If you don't break the cycle, the next generation will carry the same weight, the same struggles, and the same dysfunction. Your kids will be the latest version of whatever example you set. Now, I know every competent man wants his son to be better than he was.

If that's true, then you have one job. Break the pattern. Let's talk about how to do that. I'll tell you how that journey started for me. I was going through a tough time in life. Maybe about three, four years ago, I was going through a tough breakup and a breakup where I wind up going from a weekend father to a full time dad overnight.

I wind up being in a situation that all the responsibilities of raising a child fell on me. And this was the first time in life. This was an active situation. I was in a jam. I really couldn't at the time. Well, I thought I couldn't. Handle being a full time dad on my own, right? But I stepped up to the plate and I made the move and necessary to actually be fully involved in what my role is at the time.

I'm one of these people, right? It's a lot of times that I don't give my best. Let me say I was one of these people. It's a lot of times that I wouldn't give my best because I knew someone would pick up the slack. That is the truth. I knew someone would pick up the slack so a lot of times I wouldn't give my best and that was a horrible habit to have.

So even though I was capable of doing a lot of things, I just didn't do it because I knew someone else would pick up the slack when the pressure of being a full time dad got put on me, I did exactly what I need to do. Let me be clear and say, I didn't do it by myself. I was fortunate to have a lot of help from family and friends that were around.

And I'm always grateful for that. Right. One of the situations that I actually put myself in to get better, I was actually introduced to a program on YouTube by a friend of mine. And the name of the program is called The Business. It is with a host by the name of Jason Black. And I hope one day I get to meet this brother.

I can be honest here and say that man probably saved my life as far as me not going down a rabbit hole. Dealing with emotions and issues that I was actually facing during a time of one of the worst periods of my life. I listened to this guy's program. I'm gonna be honest with you. It is not a program and motivation.

It is a program of self reflection. What that program does is makes you realize that whatever high horse you were on. Whatever greatness that you thought you were, you're not that and you need to restart, regenerate and come back stronger than you were. That program broke me down so bad. I remember I'm driving at night and I'm listening to this program.

And the emotions that actually came over me during this program, it was all self reflection. It was forcing me to take accountability for a lot of the actions that caused me to be where I was at the time. Right? So that program, I encourage anybody that's going through something, whether it be male or female, if you do find a time, get on and listen to that program, the business with Jason black, it's not for everyone and you will get some tough lessons.

Right? Okay. So. I know you're wondering how do we break those generational patterns? How do we become the leaders that to shape our families differently than how we were shown growing up? I'll tell you how as men, there are a few challenges when it comes to developing as leaders. I'll name the top three.

The first one is the lack of a strong male role model. If you didn't have a father around or he wasn't a good example of leadership, you're left to actually figure things out on your own. And that's not easy, right? The second one would be emotional baggage. A lot of us carry unresolved issues from our past.

Whether it's resentment, feelings of abandonment, or just bad habits that we picked up along the way, those emotions get in the way of being the strong leaders and our families needs us to be right. The third one would be the pressure of being the man. Society tells us that we're supposed to have it all together, but deep down, many of us feel like we're just trying to keep it together without falling apart.

That pressure can paralyze us. But here's the thing. You don't have to stay stuck. You don't have to repeat those old patterns. So what does it look like to redefine leadership in your family? It starts with my favorite thing. It starts with accountability. The number one trait of a strong leader is accountability.

Leadership isn't about being in charge. Let's get that straight. It's not about being in charge. It's about being responsible for the actions that you take or make. When I say I love breaking down accountability, this is one of the most profound things that I actually learned later in my thirties. You could tell how far, how delayed the development was, but responsibility, which leads to accountability.

My number one thing, whenever I'm going through a conflict or issues or whatever it is, I always look to see where I went wrong. I always look to see what I could have done better, and in the heat of conflict, I always look to see what can I do to resolve this issue? Accountability is so important to me, and I want to express this to a lot of people, right?

When you're in a conflict or the disagreement with a person and the argument or conversation maybe getting outta hand a lot, I'm gonna say this to you guys. A lot of the conflict and the disagreements could be settled with a person just taking accountability. Say, yes, I did that. I made a mistake. My bad.

I should have known better. I should have done better. I take full responsibility. At many times for us men at that point, the argument is over. The disagreement is over. It's accountability. It's something I used to struggle with now. Nah, not so much. I am doing a lot of self reflection and accountability was one of my biggest things.

This is the number one strong trait of a person being a leader. It's about being responsible for your own actions in my life. I had to learn the hard way after years of acting immature. I had to take a good hard look at myself and say, bro, it's time to grow up. It's time to lead with integrity.

Accountability means you own your mistakes. You don't deflect blame. You take responsibility. If you mess it up, admit it. This is the basics of it. And if you do something well, own that too. When your family sees you doing this, they started to trust you more and more as a leader. Believe me, this is true.

Next, we want to be present. A leader is present. I can tell you as a father of three, this is something that I really, really struggle with. Right. And I'm learning to actually do better. When my kids need me, I need to show up, not just physically, but emotionally, too. I had two sons before I got married, right?

And when I married my wife, she already had a daughter. Based on how I was raising two sons at the time, my emotional connection to certain things weren't as gentle as it should've, it could've been, right? I had to switch all of that up when I got married to my wife and she came in with a daughter. I had to become a little bit more emotional and understanding that emotions play a huge role in children's lives.

So me having to be a little bit more emotional with a girl fit compared to boys actually helped me become a better father. I wasn't as militant and hard with my sons as before, because I actually realized that emotional issues affect men also. Right? So one thing I can actually give credit to my daughter for is teaching me an emotional connection with the people around me.

That is one of the best lessons I learned as a father. Also the emotional connection that you need to have with your children. Now that's leadership. Yeah. It's showing up when you're needed the most, and not just when it's convenient. Leadership is something you do by example. It's easy to tell your kids or your wife how they should behave, but it's harder to show them.

If you want your family to live with discipline, respect, and responsibility, you have to show them. They are watching you all of the time. Your words are important, but your actions are even more powerful. Leadership is selflessness. It's about putting the needs of others before your own. This has been a major lesson in my marriage.

Being selfless doesn't mean you lose yourself, but it means you're willing to make sacrifices for the people who depend on you. I had to learn to put my wife's needs before my own and how to compromise how to work together for the good of the family. Let me break down some real world examples, right?

When I got married, my wife and I had some serious disagreements early on. One of our biggest challenges was our difference in spirituality, and it really wasn't a difference. I just wasn't as locked in as she was. She was really into the word of God and she wanted me to be a part of it. Naturally, she was deeply invested into her faith.

And like I said, she definitely wanted me more involved. I wasn't opposed to spirituality. I was actually in support of it. Like I said, though, I just wasn't as locked in as she was. Now, this caused a bit of tension in our marriage, but I had to make a choice. I could either stick to my own comfort zone or let it divide us.

Or I could step up and meet her halfway, and that's what I did. I chose to meet her halfway and we found a balance that actually worked for us. I don't know about you, but that's what I call leadership. It's about finding solutions and making things work for the good of the whole family. Next, raising my kids has taught me a lot about the importance of discipline.

Every day I remind them about responsibility. Sometimes it isn't easy. I've learned that discipline creates freedom. Now, when they know boundaries and rules, they know what to expect. This gives them freedom to make good choices and become responsible individuals. Next in my business and career, I've had to face obstacles as a truck driver.

Sometimes I feel the pressure, but I always remind myself, I'm doing this for my family. I'm doing this for my children. I'm doing this for my wife. It's not about me. It's about the legacy I want to leave behind. It's about the example I want to set for my kids. So they know that no matter how hard things get, you have to keep pushing.

Now, I want to give you an assignment for today that will help you start breaking those old generational patterns and redefining leadership in your family. Right? Look in the mirror, take a moment to reflect on the way you lead. How much of your leadership is shaped by the, how you were raised. Be honest with yourself.

Is there something from your past that's affecting the way you lead? Now, next, I want you to identify one area that you can improve in. It might be an accountability, being more present or being selfless. Pick one that you could start working on today. Next, put that one thing into practice. If it's about being more present and spending some extra time with your children or with your spouse, if it's about accountability, take responsibility for something that you've been avoiding.

Make it simple, but make it count. Take the responsibility for something that you've been avoiding. I can't stress how much accountability will save a lot of issues inside your relationship and inside your household. It is okay to take accountability. Just fix the problem moving forward. That will be all I have for you guys today, but I want to leave you with this.

You're in control of the legacy that you leave behind. You're in control of the way you lead your family. Break the cycle of negative generational patterns. It starts with you. If you found this episode helpful, do me a favor, save this episode, download it, share with someone who needs to hear it and don't forget to subscribe.

So you don't miss a future episode. Thanks for tuning in and remember to look at your family and say, call me first.